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A few letters from previous fans...

#1
Hello dears, it is I, the Demon Queen of St. Canard and the lady of the hour. Due to all this nasty business of switching to a new forum it would seem all those educational questions were swept up... but never fear because I always keep copies of my mail close at hand. Here are a few old gems:

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Quackerjack asks:
I need your guidance! *holds up a pickle jar, voice reaching high, stressed out tones* Why won't this open? *tries in vain to twist the top off* It's driving me mad! *chews on the lid, growling*

Malicia answers:
Well dear, it's quite possible you're turning the lid in the wrong direction. Have you tried turning it the OTHER way?

Quackerjack says:
*slow blink* .... *grins at her, and waggles his index finger* Oh, clever clever girl.. *turns the lid in the opposite direction- pop!* Huzzah!

Now... *glances from side to side* To find someone who likes pickles. Blech. *skips off, sloshing pickle juice*


***
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Darkwing Girl asks:

Dear Malicia, I'm in a hopeless state right now.......it seems to me that most Disney stories involving Princes and Princesses ALWAYS end up with a happy ending....you know the sappy crappy endings "AND THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER..." and blah blah blah like that????
Why can't us Villianesses get that kind of treatment??????


Malicia responds:

Well my dear, it's because they want to teach the kiddies "good" morals. If the bad guys won in the end, it would imply that being bad is profitable (which we all know it is) and then more children would become criminals.

So to cover it all up, and encourage the youth of today to become decent beings, they plant the false belief in their minds that good things happen to good people. Of course when they grow older they soon realize this is a load of bullcrap, and then they become jaded little angry teenagers. From there they either mature into sensible adults (a rare case) or evolve into even bigger ass-wipes who despite not falling into a life of crime, still manage to be self-absorbed and annoying.

But such is life. Take control of yours and make sure you get the treatment YOU want, hun.


***


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Amanda asks:
What should I learn to cook next?

-Manda Stewart


Malicia responds:
A spongecake. You see, up until now I was leading a life of lies... I once thought a spongecake was made of...well, sponge. But after feeding said 'sponge' cake to Red, I have learned otherwise. I also learned that even when a sponge is being puked up, it manages to absorb the vomit. Isn't that amazing?

NegaDuck butts in:
Oh yes. REAL amazing. For you maybe. Do yourself a favor and leave all the culinary efforts to me from now on. Or at least kidnap that woman and have her make our dinners for us.

Amanda says:

o.O.... don't give her any ideas.

I'll make the spongecake.


***

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The Liquidator Asks:
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome - to Question of the Hour! *enthusiastic applause in background* Now, we have a very special guest tonight: St. Canard’s Demon Queen herself, Malicia Macawber! All she has to do is answer this one, simple question:

Malicia, inquiring minds want to know...*dramatic pause* What would you do for a Klondike bar?


Malicia responds:
Well Liquidator, I am certainly not above killing someone and then hanging them by their intestines, if I meant I could have one of those chocolaty snacks.

***

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DarkwingGirl inquires:
I have a question hon, beside you....the almighty sexy, seductive queen of St.Canard, who do you think are the sexiest top 100 criminals of St.Canard?

Malicia responds:
All of the first 99 are moi. The 100th is Red. (It's so hard to just leave myself out!)

***

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Ariana asks:
M-Malicia...? Do you think...things could ever be like they were...between us?


Malicia scowls back:
Sure....... if you stop being such a goodie-two shoes Pollyanna. Seriously, use your powers for something useful! Think of the damage we could do if we teamed up together.

Ariana responds:

I don't understand why we can't just be friends even if I don't want to use my powers to do harm...

***

Would you like to ask me a question? Make your own topic and I'll answer whenever I feel like it.
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