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Comments, Critiques, Mary Sue Litmus Test

#1
Dwcloak

Hi, all!

Okay, for starters, this is totally my first time posting here. I imagine this forum has existed for fans since forever, but I'm out of the loop. I only know of its existence from a friend on LiveJournal who said I should come take part in a livestream chat one time. So I did and never came back, until now.

Before I begin with my...uh...questions, I guess...I want to say that I'm not a new fan. In fact, I've been around for quite some time! I used to post DWD fanfic almost exclusively on the DAFT mailing list back in the late 90s, and my friends and I had more inside-jokes about the series than you could shake a really big stick at.

But then I took a really long break, and then one day I got an idea. I thought up a dramatic storyline about what happened when Scrooge needed a new pilot after Launchpad moved to St. Canard, and it kind of got away from me. I started developing an OC, and I desperately didn't want her to be a Mary Sue. I wanted her to be her own person and do her own thing, but then things got away from me again and the thing practically wrote itself! But I was STILL determined to at least make her likable.

By this point, I was already screwed. I had an OC that I had tried to kill off at least twice and couldn't do it, and who was drifting dangerously into Mary Sue territory. And then people stopped reviewing very much, and I didn't know if I'd made everything unbearable, lol.

So now here I am! Having not written DWD fanfic since 1998, I really wanted to make something at least halfway decent. The Mary Sue Litmus test revealed that I hadn't quite crossed over into forbidden territory yet, so there's still hope! And that's why I need you guys!

Let me preface this by saying that, personally, I don't mind reading stories with OCs as long as they are well-written and stuff makes sense. I also like how some people in the fandom, over all these years, have REALLY developed their OCs. I guess that's what I'm trying to do.

So, with much chagrin, here is a link to my first story in the "trilogy" and I'd really like opinions. If you guys can even make it through the other stories (there are only 2.5 right now, because the third is still in progress) then I would really appreciate it. It's like, I'm really trying here, but I can't seem to keep her dead so I figure I might as well straighten things out and do something useful with her.

So what I REALLY REALLY want is concrit.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5685583/1/Death_and_Company

(And I do consider all of them to be PG, even though there is a little swearing and some gore in the first one. Nothing explicit ever really happens.)

Thanks for looking/helping me out! *crosses fingers*
I am the story that will read you real
Every memory that you hold dear...
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